A ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO WIFE
RUSSIANS 1 – ENGLISH 0 =S NEW TOUR?
Temecula, CA – My England source ‘Sam’, short for Samantha, called me the other day at the office and as we talked, a bit of news made me wonder if I’d be seeing The Rolling Stones on tour in ’09. The same news made me take a look at myself as a man and as a species male. You see, at the end of the last (Bigger Bang) tour, which took about two years to complete (32 Countries, 114 Cities, 145 shows*), co-lead/rhythm guitarist of the Stones, Ron Wood, who is also an accomplished painter, went into rehab. You could call it a case of ‘rock rage’, a mindset where you are still on tour though the tour has ended. As I’d read before, Ron would always be the last member of the band to segue back into a more normal lifestyle, which is basically sleeping at night and being awake during the day. A ‘rock star’ schedule is getting up around 5PM, taking the stage from 10PM to Midnight, and then party/chill until around 9AM, depending on breakfast and groupies. Ron has been taking the longest to get back to a normal schedule, or at least as normal as it gets for a Rolling Stone. So when I saw he was going into rehab, I said ‘cool’, it should help him get back to normal.
Well, Folks, Ron left rehab, I suspect before the program finished, and fell off ‘the wagon’, landing it seems, atop a Russian model who took him home with her. There he stayed for two weeks before popping his head back out like a gopher. There are two problems with this scenario. First he has a wife of long standing, and second, the Russian model is 17 years old (‘waiter, a scotch and ‘wa-wa’ here please’). London’s front pages have been blaring the news and his wife of many years has split. Now when Jerry Hall left Mick Jagger after a ‘some girls’ incident and took $50M with her, the Stones almost immediately went back out on tour to make up the deficit. So this latest faux pas leads me to wonder if another tour might commence in ’09 as Mrs. Wood is surely pissed off and will take that attitude all the way to the bank, know what I mean, Vern? But then my thoughts turned to compassion for the wife and why we men sometimes get caught up with young girls. Surely this model is a bright and comely lass, that’s a given, but 17?! Are there not any pretty women 18 to 25 in merry old England to be had, especially if you’re a Rolling Stone? I would guess you’d see 10 legal hotties a day if you got out of the limo. But since she is a model, and Russian, and living in England, she must be ‘scene’. That could explain much since I know the scene females here are a notch different than general population (see ‘The Sex Pixi). So I’ll just say in scolding, ‘Ronald David Wood, you old salty dog, you. The Rolling Stones just don’t quit in getting some, eh, satisfaction, do they?’ *- I saw two shows this tour -