MICKEY AVALON LIVES UP TO THE HYPE OF HOTNESS
DIRT TOUR CLEANS UP ‘BRO’ IMAGE, SORT OF
Perris, CA – Have you ever seen that concert footage where the singer moves down across the front of the stage and slaps the hands of screaming fans in the crushed front row, and wondered just how it felt? Well, I can tell you, because I was one of those fans this past Saturday night at the Dirt Alliance Dirt Tour during Mickey Avalon’s headlining set. But first, let me set the stage for the event, an event that one friend said, “guess what three things you will see today, Dickeys, black socks, and fights!”
My friend got two out of the three right but I’m happy to say that I saw nary a fight. Not bad for the maybe six policemen I saw at various spots around the venue. A few things were ‘lost’ but the general atmosphere was like if you mixed one part truck stop, one part gypsy swap meet, one part late summer fair show, and one part burlesque. Of course I was backstage most of the time when Corie aka ‘Corndog’ made the observation and said, “I wear more clothes at the beach then I see the girls in here.”
Besides, it was fun hanging with the band Inhale after their set got some of the crowd over to the main stage area and, well you know, inhaling, not to mention chiefing down the delicious pizza for the munchies that was available to the bands and VIPs. The backstage scene was very entertaining as most of the MPBBE crew was there, the Inverse RV had cold beer with a two story beer bong tube, with a place to sit out of the hot Inland Empire sun where the night does NOT cool down as it does in French Valley, T-town, or Murrieta.
Travis, one of the co-owners of Dirt Alliance ‘is a velvet monotone which is a rare strain but a damn good trait to have’ said Jamaal, Ivan Promotions’ video camera person. It was during No Dice’s set (“Hey, hookers got feelings too”) watching a crowd of kids mosh to the band’s songs that were anchored by a stand-up old school bass that I saw a kid on a crutch moshing with the rest of his friends. Then a couple of songs later when another mosh pit started, one of the other kids, a bigger boy, picked him up and put the kid on his shoulders so he could run around in the mosh circle without any distractions like the other two legged kids.
It is the way of the young Bros and certainly not the image people outside the ‘bro scene’ expect, but isn’t that the way it is about any scene that outsiders have formed an ‘opinion’ about. Sure there were plenty of mammary glands exposed here and there to match all the ass cheeks that were in abundance on and off the mobile stripper poles, but that’s what you see from the outside looking in. What you see from the inside is ‘the heart’ of the Bros, not the ass of the hoes. Inverse played a good set which rocked. They debuted some new material and most people were unaware that two of the members had bad head colds, though their eyes looked like two piss holes in the snow if you looked really close. That’s the ‘show must go on’ professionalism of the local band (or any real band, for that matter. Remember when Keith Richards was electrocuted while playing a Rolling Stones show in the rain?)
Fashion-wise, the day of the bandana is done. It is now the day of the ‘Bruce Willis brim’ aka hat. Divide The Day hit the stage playing stuff from their just released CD of two days. The crowd filled in to the songs which reminded me of Ratt and Motley Cruë back in the day when they were hot and fresh. Music historians can take note that original members Joe and Billy once played with Finch at their ONLY Temecula show (at the Stampede) in a band called Ripshaw, and have played on a bill with Soulfly and HED PE. Next up for the group is Fullerton’s ‘Spare The Air’ on 8/30/08 with The Used, who will do an acoustic set there.
Band dad Joe lamented about the absence of the scene here as he remarked that there were ‘tons of bands coming out of the Inland Empire’ and that many used to be able to play in T-town when there was a venue here for them. Sometime after the Burning Man Project I will be reviewing the Colton/San Bernardino band’s new CD, so stay tuned, but now back to our regularly scheduled Dirt Tour review.
By this time evening was coming on and I caught the last part of OPM after again venturing into the outside crowd for a T-shirt or two, and another glance up at the thonged buns gyrating around the stripper poles. X103.9’s DJ Bobby Sato was the MC and his voice announced that Tattoo Junkies would be taking the stage. Now, Sports Fans, you have to understand that when you are a backstage person, you go where the general (paying) audience can’t go.
So I and several others, including ‘Corndog’, Ivan, and Jourdan, his still photog, had from time to time seen the bands from inside the security area. This is the area I returned to for the give-aways, scoring countless items while watching and bumping to hip-hop. A bit faded from the free beer and swigs from Nikki & Corndog’s bottle of vodka, I joined in dancing where Ivan was a free-styling whirling dervish but didn’t leave when he did. When Bobby the MC announced that Mickey Avalon would be right out, I was suddenly encased by screaming females, with girls to the left of me, girls to the right of me, girls to the rear of me, and a stage monitor in front of me. Somewhere deep in my brain I realized that this was going to be an American Bandstand moment, but truthfully Folks, in all the concerts that I’ve been to, this was the first time I have been wedged in like a male sardine being squished by female sardines. Later I would notice that my clothes smelled like a girl’s gym, which is not a bad thing.
I couldn’t see more than a few rows to my rear so I have no idea what or how full the general audience area was, but judging from ‘V.I.P. only’ crowd, I’d have to say the whole place was packed for Mickey Avalon, and I got a front, very front row seat as to see why. Mickey is hot, also smoldering and smutty, just the perfect performer for this crowd who loves playing in the dirt with dirty girls and listening to dirty lyrics. Being free to be ‘dirty’ is what makes this country America so great. I would have saluted the flag but with all the young bodies pressed so tightly up against me, I could barely move my arms except to hold out a hand to be slapped as Mickey strutted by rapping. (PS: Girls, he has the softest hands that you’ve ever felt, adding to the hype that Mickey Avalon could change a nun’s habit of being good to being forgiven). Meanwhile though, I was also caught up in the pandemonium going on onstage as the ‘Mick-ster’ rapped about making girls do the ‘Jane Fonda’.
His two cigarette-smoking Asian (?) dancers were doing their sensual Tai-Chi moves in satin outfits with fishnets (one dancer’s pair had some rips, further adding to the sexy Feng Shui moment). The stage wings were packed with people. Guys (where’d they come from?) would appear, run across the stage and then sail past me, diving into the crowd just a few rows behind me. At least four videos were rolling simultaneously and I have to wonder what Mickey will think when he sees the YouTube versions with a front row dude wearing a hat that says ‘Old Guys Rock’ among all the women. Some of the roadies chased people off the stage, even some of the girls who were flashing the crowd, but one plus size woman whipped out her twins and gave the crowd a real ‘Mutt & Jeff’ show while the roadies seemed rooted to their spots, giving her full access. Needless to say, I was horse the next day from all the hooting and hollering, so I’ll just say two things in closing here. First, forget about Global Warming gases, Mickey Avalon and crew could melt an ice cap all by themselves. And second, sign me up for the next Dirt Alliance Dirt Tour, just don’t tell my pastor!!